I was hoping that this blog could be a place where I could be honest, but that no longer seems possible. Maybe the internet is just not the right place for honesty. For an atheist at Wheaton, there is apparently no place for honesty. I guess I should have known that from the beginning, shame on me for being optimistic. Everything I say is used by Christians as ammunition against me. I listen to the stories and testimonies of Christians day in and day out without a word or a “yay, he’s doubting” thought, but that’s something Christians can’t reciprocate. I can’t talk to people without being prayed for, I can’t say anything good about Christianity or anything bad about atheism without it being used against me as evidence that I’m not a real atheist.
When I listen to Christians talk about their faith, I never doubt that what they’re saying is true for them. I never question whether they actually believe in God or whether Christianity actually makes them happy. I would never even consider contradicting someone’s story about himself. So why can’t people trust the words of an atheist? Why do atheists apparently not know themselves as well as Christians do? Because we’re depraved and don’t know our own minds and don’t know the truth about ourselves, obviously. Maybe I should just shut up and let Christians tell my story for me, since they know me so well.